We Can Eat Our Way Out of This

Welcome to a special edition of Swine Flu Panic Center's news round-up. A lot has happened since our last report so let's hp to it. First this from the CDC:

 

clipped from cdc.gov

A Pandemic Is Declared

On June 11, 2009, the World Health Organization (WHO) raised the worldwide pandemic alert level to Phase 6 in response to the ongoing global spread of the novel influenza A (H1N1) virus. A Phase 6 designation indicates that a global pandemic is underway.

WHO’s decision to raise the pandemic alert level to Phase 6 is a reflection of the spread of the virus, not the severity of illness caused by the virus. It’s uncertain at this time how serious or severe this novel H1N1 pandemic will be in terms of how many people infected will develop serious complications or die from novel H1N1 infection. Experience with this virus so far is limited and influenza is unpredictable. However, because novel H1N1 is a new virus, many people may have little or no immunity against it, and illness may be more severe and widespread as a result. In addition, currently there is no vaccine to protect against novel H1N1 virus.

Lest I propagate the impression that no good has come of this pandemic, let me refer you to this email that I received, offering me a $500 USD Visa gift card just for answering a few simple questions about the upcoming plague:

Isn't that thoughtful?

For those of you who wish to keep tabs on the never-ending march of the H1N1 plague, here is the latest activity map from the Center for Disease Control. "CDC.gov- visit for the concern, stay for the fear."

Yes, the country is slowly turning brown. Wait until fall! And while I still romantically cling to the picture of a lone cosmic ray haplessly wandering the universe until it happens to pierce the DNA of the H1N1 genome, catastrophically rearranging it in Spiderman-fashion, and thereby creating a Super Virus, the more likely scenario seems to be a process called 'antigenic shift.' The problem it seems, is that pigs can contract swine, avian, and human viruses, and serve as a tureen of viruses where the whole soup exchanges bits of genetic sequences in a grand experiment to wipe-out humanity.

clipped from en.wikipedia.org

For example, if a pig were infected with a human influenza virus and an avian influenza virus at the same time, an antigenic shift could occur, producing a new virus that had most of the genes from the human virus, but a hemagglutinin or neuraminidase from the avian virus. The resulting new virus would likely be able to infect humans and spread from person to person, but it would have surface proteins (hemagglutinin and/or neuraminidase) not previously seen in influenza viruses that infect humans, and therefore to which most people have little or no immune protection. If this new virus causes illness in people and can be transmitted easily from person to person, an influenza pandemic can occur.^[5]

Fortunately there are sincere folks who just want to help. Take this guy:

He even offers a shampoo that can help:

Could this elixir be the 'Fountain of Youth'? Could it cure or prevent the flu? We'll never know, since it is not subject to rigorous scientific testing.  At least it doesn't come from 'The Valley of the Shadow of Death.'

 

 

Just remember folks: we CAN eat our way out of this global threat. I wanna give a shout-out to all my Vegan and vegetarian friends: think about the future of the planet and reconsider sausage- today!