One Dead in US: Panic Level Reaches All-time High

The Center for Swine Flu Panic has noted that there has been a swine flu fatality reported in the US. The rapid escalation of this threat coupled with the fact that President Obama is, himself, personally making public health recommendations leads us to conclude that the panic level should be raised from SEVERE PANIC to ISOLATED EXTREME PANIC PLUS OVERALL SEVERE PANIC.

Further recommendations regarding the hoarding of foodstuffs, and the stockpiling of appropriate biosafety-level protective gear, as well as handguns, rifles, shotguns, and ammunition, will be forthcoming.

clipped from www.nytimes.com First U.S. Death From Swine Flu Is Confirmed Published: April 29, 2009 A Mexican toddler who came to the United States for treatment has died in Texas of the swine flu, state officials said, as President Obama recommended that schools with confirmed or suspected cases of the disease “strongly consider temporarily closing.” “This is obviously a serious situation, serious enough to take the utmost precautions,” Mr. Obama said. The president’s remarks, his most extensive on the outbreak of the H1N1 virus since it began, came as fears of the spread of the disease around the world deepened on Wednesday. Mr. Obama spoke a day after he had asked Congress to provide $1.5 billion in emergency funds to fight the disease, and his comments appeared to reflect a deepening sense of the risk the still ill-understood flu might pose.

Swine Flu Panic Center is Now Open!

The Swine Flu Panic Center is now open! We are here to help disseminate rumors and fear throughout all geographical areas. Our mission includes:
1- keeping you advised on the level of panic in the news media and public health organizations, like the CDC.
2- issuing overall panic levels, much like the color-coded system used by Homeland Security.
3- giving you specific instructions regarding when and how to panic.

At the moment we are specifically recommending the following:

HOARD CANNED FOODS, DRIED GRAINS AND BEANS, AS WELL AS LO-CAL DESSERT OPTIONS.

AVOID TRAMPLING INCIDENTS THAT WILL OCCUR LATER IN THE PANIC CYCLE.

that's all for now and have a great day!!

Clyde