The Swine Flu Panic Center is now open! We are here to help disseminate rumors and fear throughout all geographical areas. Our mission includes:
1- keeping you advised on the level of panic in the news media and public health organizations, like the CDC.
2- issuing overall panic levels, much like the color-coded system used by Homeland Security.
3- giving you specific instructions regarding when and how to panic.
At the moment we are specifically recommending the following:
HOARD CANNED FOODS, DRIED GRAINS AND BEANS, AS WELL AS LO-CAL DESSERT OPTIONS.
AVOID TRAMPLING INCIDENTS THAT WILL OCCUR LATER IN THE PANIC CYCLE.
that's all for now and have a great day!!
Clyde
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